J-O-Y

I think too often I base my attitude on circumstance. Too often, I let the finite and temporary effect my mood or outlook. Why do I do this?

Last week, for example, was a roller coaster of emotion. I got good news, then bad; something given to me, then something taken away; fun new memories made and painful memories recalled. Throughout, I should have been joyful, but I am sad to say I wasn't. It was as basing my mood upon the wind.

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Where are these words in the throws of my sadness? Where are they in my joy, for that matter? Why do I only focus on them in the times that it's convenient for me?

This week has been fantastic so far. I have been doing well at school; work is fine; I have had the immense privilege of spending time with an absolutely amazing friend. But if that all changes tomorrow, will I still remember that my God is in control? Will I praise Him no matter what, or will I question His judgement? I wish I had more answers than questions. I wish I could, in all faith and honesty, promise you that right now begins a change. But that's between my heart and God, isn't it? I hope that this begins something new. I pray that this is a turning point. I can tell you that I will definitely be seeking God in the coming days and weeks like I haven't been in past months.

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shinging down on me

When the world's "all as it should be"

Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say...

Blessed be Your name.

All You Need Is Love

What most would call coincidence began a conversation last night that I hope to never forget. I walked by Josh, the Village's custodian, who pointed at me with his huge grin and then started laughing. "I have had that song stuck in my head all day," he said, pointing to my all we need is love t-shirt. "I can't believe it! And it's so true! All we really need is Love."
Josh then proceded to tell me a strange series of events from his week, which at first seemed completely unrelated. Taking flowers to his wife at work, his friend Alex's help, Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby heard on the radio. The simple words on my shirt were a credo he'd decided to try to live out this past week, and a song that he'd been singing all about the church as he cleaned. Alex walked in and joined me in listening just as Josh was telling me about him. I'd been humming Mariah Carey's song since Wednesday when Andy played it at Joe's. Funny coincidence. I was completely intrigued and absorbed in Josh's tale filled with rabbit trails and non-sequitors.

About mid-narrative, Josh was relating his experiences in a tense seminary classroom and explained that he always picked up other's tension. He'd been told it was a 'gift' but seemed slightly less than excited about it. I could relate, and explained that whenever someone around me cries, I cry. It's a wonderful 'gift', I sarcastically told them. "Jesus cried." He said it so matter-of-factly, but I'd heard it so many times before that I blew it off at first.
"I cry at Disney movies," I laughed. "I'm talking Ice Age when the tiger died! I teared up! And it's a Disney movie, ok? I should've realized they're not going to off a main character and yet I cried."
"But Jesus cried too! He cried when He was on his way to see Lazarus," Josh said getting excited. "Jesus was going to see Lazarus, and He knew He was about to raise the guy from the dead! And He still cried!"
I'd never thought of it like that before. I'd heard many times that "Jesus wept." Shortest verse in the Bible, right? (If you grew up in a Southern Baptist church, you knew that and tried to use it to cheat several times.) But I'd never understood it the way Josh did. You see, Josh had no idea that the last few months have been filled with a constant struggle to allow myself to be emotional. Since my childhood, I have fought desperately, even prayed to make my heart numb. I've never shared this publicly before. I think those who know me well know that I have huge passion and genuine care for all whom God has placed in my life, and it was never in this area that I struggled; I have always cherished the heart God gave me for others. It was my own pain and personal heartache that I wished to never feel. A common emotion, I'm sure but I' had taken it to extremes in recent years. I had become solely analytical in matters of my own heart and did not even realize it until someone helped me to see it two months ago.
Josh did not know this, could not know this, could not know the impact a simple aside in his tale would have on me. A simple 'coincidence' and I walked out with a completely different thought pattern.

Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.All you need is love.

All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.
All you need is love

All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need).