Hard Day's Night

This has been a rough week, to say the least. I've had ups and downs, been all over the map mentally and emotionally.

Monday, I went for a 'job fair' at the Frisco Nordstrom at 10:00am. By 11:30 I was done, by 5:00pm they called and offered me a position in the Infants & Toddlers department. I, of course, accepted. Praise God for that long-awaited answer to prayer.

That same day, at about 2:00pm, I received a phone call from my friend Jason. Jason's brother, Bradley, had become ill the night before and when he could not stop throwing up, was taken to an urgent care facility Monday morning. Once there, they discovered his creatine level was a 7 (supposed to be 1 or lower), and rushed him to the Emergency Room. Details are still sketchy - we're waiting to hear the results of the autopsy, but I do know that Jason received a call from the doctor who was working on his brother to let him know that his heart had stopped, they were still working on him, but it "didn't look good." Jason, who had been out at my parent's house (he is basically the older brother I never got to have and calls my family "Family Two"), rushed to Love Field to fly home to Houston. At about 3:00, he received a call saying that the doctors had been unable to resuscitate Bradley. He was twenty-seven years old. This has been a week when I've been unsure whether the ridiculous amount of empathy I have is a good thing or bad, as I have felt so much pain and sadness for the Moores and their loss.

The rest of the week was spent in training for the new job, at the NJCAA Men's National Tennis Championship (held at CCCC), at work, or just going crazy. Yesterday morning my mom, sister and I drove down to Houston and made it just in time to check into our hotel and grab some dinner before the viewing. The funeral was today and after the interment and lunch at the church, Daddy, sister and I drove back home.

Most of today has been spent in tears. I passed exhausted days ago and now just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a week. My last day of training tomorrow prevents that from becoming a reality. Ah well. I'm glad for the job, for sure. And I'm preemptively thanking God for the sweet, sweet sleep I'll get when I finish writing this. I ask you to please keep the Moore family in your prayers as they begin this week learning how to live life without their Bradley. Thank you Amanda, Darrell and Denver for checking to see how I was doing this week. Your calls and prayers meant the world over to me. So now I think I'm going to lay my head down on my pillow and sleep till tomorrow is here. I love you.

Good night.

Your Song

I want to be able to write all that I'm feeling and have been experiencing these past weeks, but I think instead I'll just give you the lyrics to four songs that have become my own story.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
From The Inside Out, Joel Houston

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I once was fatherless,
A stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply,
A call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take Your life.

Sin has lost it's power,
Death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
Victoriously!

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross You are the truth,
You are the life,
You are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. Now I'm free!

Sin has lost it's power,
Death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
Victoriously!

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life,
You are the way
Marvelous Light, Charlie Hall

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Woe to me I am unclean
A sinner found in Your presence
I see you seated on Your throne
Exalted, Your Glory surrounds You

Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare when I see your glory

Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place'
Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for.

Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!
Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty
Holy is the Lord!

Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for.
Ruin Me, Jeff Johnson

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I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm Moving On, Rascal Flatts