I'm at a really weird place in my life. New job, new roommate, new decision. Do I stay in school? I'm reminded of an Eddie Izzard bit, where he asks, "Tell me, what do you want to do with your life?"
All of my family has given me their blessing to stop. See, I've been in college for the last six years now. And no, I still don't have a degree. Life has come at me too fast with too many curve balls, and I've had to take much more time off than I ever thought I would. Car accident, financial struggles, the simple joys of trying to support myself and go to school (not always as possible as some would lead you to believe..), managers who renig on their promises, etc. While I have watch those who graduated high school years after I did graduate from college my frustration has mounted.
I finally voiced this frustration to my Grandma on Mother's Day, when she asked me what I wanted to do*. I think she talked to my parents because shortly thereafter, my Daddy told me that I had their blessing to quit school. My entire life, I had been told that I needed to get a degree because I would need it for my own personal satisfaction/I couldn't get anywhere in life/I would regret it for the rest of my life... Now, my father told me that this was a new era, that school wasn't for everyone, and that they - he and my mother - were proud of me and the opportunities that I already have in front of me.
So what do I do now? I have been in school off and on, as work has allowed, for the last six years this fall. Work and school has been my life..but at that, it's mostly been work. I have a promising career at Nordstrom now, a company which only promotes from within. And I know what, ultimately, my long-term goal is for life. I want to be a housewife. Yes, judge me. My life's dream has always been to eventually be a stay-at-home mommy. For some reason, it's taken me a few years to realize/remember this. And I want to bake. I don't care if it's just for my family, for my friends, or if I have a small little company from my home. I don't know how grand or realistic the latter is, but I know the former is what I want. And I don't need a degree for either of those goals.
So. Where does this put me? I still want to go to college as my work schedule allows me to take language classes (French!). But do I want to do that this semester? Or do I want to have a season completely free of the pressure I had placed on myself for school? I had a co-worker ask
me today what I wanted to be "when I grow up." I looke at her with surprise and thought, I am a grown-up! So maybe that's the key. Maybe I don't need to figure out what to do with the "rest of my life." Maybe I'm already in it.
*PS, please (and I say this in all sincerity) if you are a friend, do not ask me this question for at least another year. I've met my quota and am tired of the looks.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)