The Ride

First off, I love Amanda. The time we spend together is always a blessing and a joy to my heart. I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and something she said really struck me. She and I are both going through very interesting (and often difficult) times in our lives right now. We've both been faced with decisions, joy and unexpected change.

Regarding one of the changes (unfortunately unpleasant), Amanda said she felt like she was on her favorite roller coaster. She said that she would always get on the ride with great anticipation which would quickly change to dread as soon as it began. As soon as the cars began to move, she would panic and wonder, What have I done? I should never have gotten on this! A knot in her stomach, a scream rising in her throat, the ride would take off. The rush, the movement, the unexpected turns and twists, the drops, the peaks, going forward and then backward. And then it was over and she was back on solid ground. Her heart racing, she wanted to do it all over again.

How much like life is this? We make a decision and suddenly we're swept off our feet, rushing forward or backward, up and then down, going straight or weaving, not knowing what comes next. And then it's over and we can step back and look at where we are. We decide that it was one of the most unintelligent things we've ever done, that the terror of it all simply was not worth it; or we decide that it was the greatest decision we ever made and that the temporary fear was greatly outweighed by the final joy. Or maybe our breath is so taken away that we need some time to understand what just happened and decide whether or not we enjoyed it.

As I look at my life, I'm unsure what kind of ride I've had so far. Twists and turns, highs and lows, reaching a peak and having just seconds to catch my breath and see what lies below. Have I spent more time going backward or forward - and which has been more productive? Have I ridden with my eyes shut tight or tried to see what was coming and what has passed and tried to comprehend both? I don't know the answers to these questions. I do know that the best part of this ride is still to come. I have so many decisions facing me now and still ahead of me, decisions that will shape and change my life forever. And so I brace myself, and hold my breath...and do my best to enjoy the ride while it lasts.