I feel weighted and I'm not sure why. Do you ever have those moments where you just feel heavy and you don't know why? Of late, this is the point where I would break out my journal and just write until I figured out what is going on. My journal is at home, however, and I'm not. I'm sitting in the sound booth above the sanctuary listening to Matt yell at the 5:00 service. Hypocrisy. What a word. I feel that it describes me better than any other word. If anything, this series on masculinity has shown me my short comings and hypocrisies.

But I don't feel that this is what is weighing on my soul right now. So what is? Maybe it's the feeling of being overwhelmed. I know so many areas I need to adjust or change completely now. My last two posts can verify that. But how do I go from the knowledge to the action? I find it laughable that people have thought me to be a good example! Me. Fallen, broken, disappointing. And please don't misunderstand: I'm not throwing a pity party - I'm suffering a revelation. I've suddenly realized that my life is not going as swimmingly as I thought it was -- and I didn't think it was going terribly well! What I thought was a little junk in my closet has suddenly been revealed to have overflowed and fills my whole house. Has anyone else had that day? It's so overwhelming! How on earth did I get here? How does this happen? It wasn't all at once, I know that for certain. More importantly though, how do I leave this place?

I've become frustrated by the feast of questions and famine of answers. God, I need your help.