Man. Two days later and I'm still exhausted. Matt's sermon on Sunday* was absolutely unbelievable. He wasn't even addressing the women directly for but ten minutes, and I walked away emotionally, mentally and spiritually wiped out!
I'll be completely honest: I don't know that I've given men full credit for the unbelievable hard role they have in life before Sunday night. It was so enlightening to take an in-depth look at how and why man was cursed when creation fell. To have everything within me on some deep level wishing to constantly cultivate and grow and perfect (which explains now why men are always trying to "fix" the problems women have) and to have everything on this planet fighting against that...I don't envy it at all. I think that, as a woman, having the innate desire to nurture is much easier - comparatively speaking at least.
When Matt began to talk about his daughter and how she fights him when he tries to protect her and provide her with ultimate joy, I started crying. To see him acting out what I do every single day to my God was so hard and yet so joyful. I don't know that I've seen it like that before. God wishes to be the ultimate provider of my joy - and yet when He does not do that in the manner that I, with my finite and temporal vision, see fit, I rail against or run away from Him. It is so trite and ridiculous! To see me, shaking my fists at God?? I wonder if He sees the humor in it or is only saddened. A very dear friend said before the service that she felt like Gomer (read Hosea). I made light of it at the time, but by the time the service was done it was no longer a light matter at all. I am Gomer. I am the adulterous woman who runs away time and again, only to have my Love chasing after me, waiting, providing for my needs and loving me all the while not just in spite of who I am, but because of who I am. It's mind-boggling. It makes no sense at all on any level.
I mean, if I'm honest with myself and anyone else, if I were in the same situation I know that I wouldn't continue to love that person with all of my being. I would give up! But He, my Beautiful and Merciful Savior, does not. How beautiful, how exquisite is that picture? When I have finally run myself ragged, when I am finally too exhausted to fight Him anymore, when I am too weak to continue and find myself out in the desert, He is right there waiting for me. He will quench my thirst like no drink on this earth, He will hold me and comfort me like no man ever could, He will sustain me like no thing created, and He will love me beyond my comprehension. How good, how perfect, how deserving of our praise He is.
I want to expound upon this idea more, but I've worn myself out again. More later...
*If you missed out this weekend for any reason, I highly encourage you to check out the podcast.
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